Adoption Update #3

We spent 3 days last week in Dallas working on adoption stuff. Wednesday afternoon we began our home study with our case worker. Cameron and I interviewed together and then separately. Mostly it was an in depth discussion of our very in depth formal application to Buckner. We have definitely shared it all! I'm a very open person who generally tells everyone everything anyway. It's not hard for me to share...there is just a lot to say about our lives and our families! We really enjoyed meeting our case worker and talking with her. She is great and has a lot of experience doing home studies for adoptive parents. We will see her again when she comes to Midland to do our home visit and interviews with us and the boys.

Thursday and Friday we attended a seminar which covered many aspects of domestic open adoption. There were 9 couples total, 6 of which already had children like we do. That was great for us because we were able to identify with and ask them many questions about adopting while already having biological or adopted children. During the course of the 2 days we shared bits of our stories and processes to get to this point of adoption. We also did several group things and various activities to role play through some situations that occur in open adoption. I really enjoyed picking a different couple during each break to ask questions specific to their situation. It's amazing how bonding going through such a process together can be. Cameron and I have repeatedly commented on how the companionship of the other couples was an unexpected treat. It is the only place we have ever been with people who fully understand our trials with infertility (even others who have miraculously had biological children) and our road to adoption. It is comforting to feel understood and be in a place where our path to having children is "normal."

From Buckner we learned many things about the process of open adoption, what that looks like and how we can participate in such an adoption. Buckner does an excellent and thorough job of educating the adoptive parents and birthparents on open adoption. From our education thus far, we too are convinced that open adoption provides the best opportunities for the child to be well adjusted with the reality of being adopted. Open adoption is where the adoptive and birthparents fully disclose information with each other and maintain some sort of communication/relationship throughout the life of the child. What that looks like is different for every adoption. It depends on many factors such as location, each set of parents' circumstances, etc. We will not be able to know all of the details of what our relationship with our birthparents (or in many cases just the birthmom) will be until we meet her/them and begin down that road. Much could be said about this part of the adoption process, but we can summarize our thoughts by saying that we are praying for and believing that the Lord will guide us to the child He has for us and the birthparents He has for us as well.

For those interested in the timeline and what happens next... Currently we have been doing our required reading (although there is much more I want to read next) and raising support. Now, we are continuing our reading and preparing our profiles which the birthmoms will read. Once we have our required reading for the home study and profilies completed, our case worker will come to Midland to finish our home study. At that point we will be "in the book." That is what the birthmoms will pick from to choose a family for her child. Once we are chosen, a match meeting is set up (we may get a heads up from Buckner first...they might be contacting us to ask us to consider certain circumstances related to the birthmom). We will travel to wherever the potential birthmom lives, meet face to face, and begin the relationship. Usually both parties decide within 24 hours if it is a match. Then we begin building our relationship with the birthmom as she finishes up her pregnancy (most matches are at the tail end of the pregnancy).
We will then go to the birth. According to Texas law, the birthmom signs relinquishment papers 48 hours after the birth. We will have a special entrustment ceremony where the birthmom hands over the child to us. Then we will begin to raise our child. The finalization of the adoption in the court is 6 months after placement of our baby.

There is sooooo much more to say, but that is the process in a nutshell. It is an amazing leap of faith for us to go through this journey of domestic adoption but leap we must! We are very eager and excited to see what the Lord has in store for us. We would greatly appreciate your prayers for perseverance and wisdom through the journey and that God will guide our steps. There are many more decisions to be made down the road regarding our relationship with the birthmom and healthy boundaries to set. We certainly want to do what is best for our child. We will choose to keep the details surrounding our birthmom's circumstances private for her and the child's protection. We want to be honoring to all those involved. We are learning that we will have a special love for our birthmom for the sacrifice she is making to have her baby and gift him or her to us via adoption.

Thanks for listening and praying with us. More to come!